How to Blast Through Self-Sabotage

Do you often experience that uncomfortable feeling when procrastination rears its head! I certainly do!

That feeling that you NEED to get a whole bunch of stuff done but something within you is stalling !!!

You don't feel motivated to do the thing you know you should do. You become really good at your distractions or finding something else that you've convinced yourself is more important!

Or

the other scenario,

problems appear seemingly out of nowhere that sabotage your ability to get the thing done.

Can you relate?

I see this all the time when working with clients,

people want to make changes in their life, and they know what they should be doing.

But they just don’t do them.

Whether it's eating healthier, meditating, waking up earlier, exercising, or starting a project, self-sabotage often triggers feelings of unease, guilt, or anxiety. This internal conflict arises because it clashes with your desire to be productive or successful. You avoid tasks that feel overwhelming, boring, or stressful, but this avoidance can create more internal tension.

Despite your best intentions, you just don’t do the damn thing,

AND you find excuses to why you can’t!

Often times the self-sabotage patterns are your last attempt to keep you safe and in your comfort zone.

You find the perfect distraction that keeps you comfortable and cozy, avoiding the thing you wish you could—or want to—do. You continue to stick to your "comfortable" habits, ultimately becoming stressed as you don't see your goals materializing.

Self-sabotage as a behaviour can be a destructive cycle that can hinder personal growth and success. It often manifests as procrastination, perfectionism, negative self-talk, or self comparison, leading you to undermine your goals and aspirations. This behaviour creates a constant state of conflict, where your ambitions clash with your actions, resulting in frustration and disappointment.

It’s no surprise that most people fail to start and finish anything.

It’s no surprise why most people question everything they do and are in negative looping behaviour.

It’s no wonder why most people struggle to achieve anything worthwhile.

Over time, self-sabotage erodes self-esteem and confidence, reinforcing a belief that you are not worthy of success or happiness.

What is really happening when you self-sabotage?

What are you really trying to avoid?

What is the real fear underneath the non-action?

Breaking free from this pattern is crucial. It opens a path to achieving your personal goals while fostering healthier self-awareness and confidence.

Today, I aim to help you gain clarity about your self-sabotaging patterns.

Self-Sabotage Is Not About What You're Avoiding

We often assume the task we're avoiding is the problem. However, there's usually a deeper issue at hand—something we're truly trying to avoid or fear of facing.

Self-sabotage happens when you stop yourself from doing the things you want or need to do. It's not really about the task itself, but potentially there are deeper feelings you are avoiding.

When you unconsciously self-sabotage, it often stems from a part of you that is trying to protect you from painful emotions or past traumas. This protective aspect seeks to shield you from deep, unknown feelings of loss, shame, guilt, or rejection at all costs. As a result, you may find yourself procrastinating, avoiding certain situations, engaging in negative self-comparisons, or making detrimental choices without even realizing it.

Our brains are fundamentally designed to keep us safe by avoiding pain. This instinct is rooted in our evolutionary history, where the ability to evade danger was crucial for survival. Pain acts as a warning signal, indicating that something is wrong within the body or environment. By steering clear of pain, our ancestors enhanced their chances of survival, avoiding predators and harmful situations.

In modern life, the survival instinct that once kept our ancestors safe can sometimes work against us. The same mechanisms that helped us avoid danger in the past can now create unnecessary resistance to situations that challenge us, even when those challenges are ultimately beneficial for our personal growth and well-being. Our mind and body struggle to distinguish between true threats and the discomfort that often accompanies growth—whether it's stepping out of our comfort zones, trying something new, or facing the unknown. This confusion can prevent us from pursuing opportunities that, while initially uncomfortable, could lead to profound personal development and long-term fulfillment.

Initially, avoiding important tasks or procrastinating on them might provide a sense of temporary relief from discomfort. However, this avoidance can lead to increased anxiety and stress over time, ultimately obstructing our path to achieving our goals and realizing our potential. To thrive in today's world, we must learn to recognize this instinct and confront the discomfort associated with growth, understanding that facing challenges is a crucial step toward our personal development.

Self-Sabotage & The Nervous System

Self-sabotage can also have significant effects on your nervous system, primarily because it often triggers stress responses that impact both your mental and physical health. Here’s how self-sabotage interacts with your nervous system:

1. Activation of the Stress Response

• Fight or Flight Response: When you engage in self-sabotaging behaviours, it often stems from feelings of fear, anxiety, or inadequacy. These emotions can activate the body's fight or flight response, mediated by the sympathetic nervous system. This response leads to the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

• Chronic Stress: If self-sabotaging behaviours are frequent, the body can remain in a state of heightened alertness. Chronic activation of the stress response can lead to various health issues, such as anxiety disorders, depression, and all types of chronic physical health conditions.

2. Impact on Emotional Regulation

• Emotional Dysregulation : Self-sabotage often arises from underlying emotional issues. When you sabotage your own efforts, it can create a cycle of negative emotions, making it harder to regulate feelings like sadness, anger, or frustration. This dysregulation can overwhelm the nervous system, leading to mood swings and heightened emotional responses.

3. Nervous System Imbalance

• Parasympathetic Nervous System: The parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for rest and digestion, may become under active if you frequently self-sabotage. As you are constantly in a fight or flight response. This can result in difficulties relaxing, sleeping, or recovering from stress, leading to exhaustion and burnout.

• Mind-Body Connection: The nervous system’s imbalance can also affect physical health. Symptoms such as tension headaches, gastrointestinal issues, and muscle pain can arise from the chronic stress and emotional turmoil associated with self-sabotage.

4. Cognitive Effects

• Impaired Decision-Making: Chronic stress can affect cognitive functions, impairing decision-making and problem-solving abilities. This can create a vicious cycle where self-sabotage leads to negative outcomes, reinforcing the belief that your are incapable or undeserving of success.

• Negative Self-Perception: The repeated pattern of self-sabotage can solidify negative self-beliefs, further activating the nervous system in a way that perpetuates anxiety and fear, creating an ongoing loop of self-doubt and avoidance.

5. Physical Symptoms

• Somatic Symptoms: The impact of self-sabotage on the nervous system can manifest in physical symptoms, such as fatigue, headaches, aches and pains in the body. These symptoms can further reinforce the cycle of self-sabotage as you may avoid activities that exacerbate their discomfort.

Self-sabotage can lead to a cascade of effects on the nervous system, primarily through the activation of stress responses, emotional dysregulation and impaired cognitive functions. Understanding this connection is crucial for developing strategies to break the cycle of self-sabotage, such as practicing self-compassion, mindfulness, and getting to the root of the emotions. Addressing these patterns can help restore balance to the nervous system, promoting overall well-being and resilience.

What Pain Are You Avoiding?

Most of Your Sabotage Patterns Are Actually Fear in Action

Most of us instinctively try to avoid pain and discomfort. Anticipating pain can trigger fear and anxiety, further motivating you to steer clear of potentially painful actions.

You may have been conditioned for various reasons to suppress, ignore, or push through your feelings. In today’s world, filled with distractions and shiny objects vying for your attention, it's especially easy to fall into this pattern. The anticipation of pain can lead to increased anxiety, prompting you to avoid experiences that might be challenging or uncomfortable. This avoidance can manifest in behaviours such as procrastination, self-comparison, denial, or engaging in mindless activities that distract you from confronting your true feelings and the tasks you need to tackle.

How can you investigate deeper your self-sabotaging behaviours?

Start with some questions :

What am I avoiding?

Why am I avoiding this task or activity ?

Why do I have discomfort in this task?

What are the underlying beliefs coming up ? Are there beliefs of unworthiness or not good enough? eg. “This is too hard”, “I am not good at this”.

When or where did I learn this negative belief? eg. “I learned this belief when I was a child and I was told I’m not good enough”.

When have I recently or in the past experienced this feeling? Is there a pattern?

How is this fear serving me in the current circumstance?

Do I see the fear more clearly now?

How do I understand myself better now?

Am I ready to let this pain and fear go?

These questions can help uncover the root of your discomfort and self-sabotaging behaviour. Self-sabotage often stems from underlying beliefs about yourself, your capabilities and past traumas you have experienced. These beliefs are usually subconscious and can lead to actions that contradict your true desires.

Gain Clarity & Self Awareness

To gain a deeper understanding of self-sabotage, it's crucial to examine several key aspects that contribute to this complex behaviour. Let's explore these fundamental points that shed light on the mechanisms behind self-sabotage and provide insights into how you can overcome it:

1. Alignment: Self-sabotage may occur when there is a misalignment between your true desires and your subconscious beliefs. Discover what your real desires are and your subconscious beliefs.

2. Awareness and Responsibility: It is important to have awareness of the self-sabotaging behaviours. By taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions, you can start to change the patterns and align more closely with your true desires.

3. Choice and Focus: You do have the power to choose your focus. By consciously directing your attention toward positive outcomes and reinforcing empowering beliefs, that can mitigate self-sabotaging patterns.

4. Embrace the discomfort: Don’t try to remove your negative emotions that arise during self-sabotaging behaviour. These negative emotions can indicate a disconnect between your actions and your true self. Rather than avoiding pain, face and allow yourself to feel your emotions to break the cycle of self-sabotage. This acceptance can lead to profound transformation and healing.

5. Vibration and Action: Your vibration—your energy—is everything. Find ways to take small, actionable steps toward your goals. As you do this, you'll feel your energy transform into positive momentum, fostering a sense of alignment with your objectives. By breaking a larger project into smaller, manageable steps, you not only make the process more approachable but also facilitate a shift in your frequency. This shift can help you overcome self-sabotaging behaviours and create a stronger foundation for success.

6. Seek help when needed to uncover the underlying beliefs that may be hidden from your awareness.

To create a more fulfilling reality, it’s essential to first understand the root beliefs that drive your behaviours. By increasing self-awareness and taking responsibility for your choices, you can begin to uncover the unconscious patterns that may be holding you back. This process of introspection allows you to align your actions with your true desires, rather than acting out of fear or habit. When you break free from these self-sabotaging patterns, you open the door to a life that reflects your authentic goals and aspirations, empowering you to create the future you truly want.

Simple Steps to Overcome Self-Sabotage

Let’s try and make this more practical for the day to day. Have this as your go to list of what to do when self-sabotaging behaviours appear:

1. Present Moment Awareness: Everything starts with a present moment practice. Many self-sabotaging thoughts are rooted in past experiences or future anxieties. By being fully present, you can find clarity and the freedom to make choices that align with your goals and desires. Pull yourself into the present moment and say to yourself, “I am here right now”. Take a few deep breaths and be in the present moment. Then you can ask yourself: “What is my next best step?”, “What can I action in this moment?”.

2. Find a Quiet Space for Inquiry: When feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to find a quiet and comfortable place to sit. I like to either sit or lay down on the floor. Begin your self-inquiry in the most compassionate way. Apply the questions that have been outlined above. “What am I avoiding?” etc.

3. Feel Your Feelings: To the best of your ability, just allow yourself to feel what is coming up without any stories. Feel where this emotion lives in your body. Give it awareness, as if you are shining a loving light on it.

4. Connect with Breath: Through this process take slow deep breaths. In through your nose, allowing your diaphragm to expand and fill your lungs with air. Pause for a moment, holding the breath gently for a few seconds. Exhale slowly through your mouth, releasing any tension and stress with the breath. Taking a few moments to connect with your breath.

5. Choose with Intention: From this conscious state with yourself, decide how you want to Be in the next moment. You may choose to do something kind for yourself, or take the next best step towards your desire in that moment. This is your opportunity to choose again - Do 1 thing.

Conscious self-awareness is a game changer in this area of avoidance or procrastination.

Self-sabotage is definitely something we all experience from time to time, it doesn’t have to be a real problem unless we are not achieving our goals and not growing as a person.

Remember, if you have the self-awareness that you are in the energy of self-sabotage, this is good! You are aware! It’s a last attempt from your unconscious mind to keep you comfortable and safe. You are probably in the energetics of turning the corner on some massive change in your life.

Become a master at catching yourself.

It’s not about never having self-sabotage behaviours, it’s about seeing them in the moment.

If you can witness self-sabotaging in the moment, you have a better chance at changing that moment and aligning to your desired outcome.

Ultimately you will re-program yourself to new beliefs, actions and understanding.

You will experience how to empower yourself to make radical change moment to moment.

You will realize you are always choosing.

If you're struggling with self-sabotaging behaviours or finding it challenging to reprogram limiting beliefs, I’m here to help. Don't let old patterns hold you back from reaching your full potential. Reach out to me for support in making lasting, positive changes. Together, we can break through those barriers and create a mindset that empowers you to thrive.

-Sylvie 🕊✨💛🙏🏼

If you're interested in working with me on this or other challenges in your life, fill out this questionnaire and I'll reach out to you to start the conscious conversation.